May 3, 1999

Rumblings behind my spine.
Are you an angel?
Are you fragile?
Are you as innocent as I would like to be?
A tear falls,
there's more where that came from.
And now, you move,
affected
by out here.
And you are inside.
Break free from my walls!
Are we strangers?
Are we partners?
Are you not tainted yet by
war paint and media plaster?
You come to me
and my belly quakes and rolls and churns.
And you come to me
having not seen yet
and I come to you having seen
and been through the loss of innocence.
Is that fair?
Is it fair that you are an angel
and I have already sinned?

learning how to stand

while dancing with scissors
i found you
and let myself go.
once, a wanderer
and now-
fastened,
but with sparkle still
and
stories
that would unravel
hearts.
i am learning how to stand-
the ground
still haunts me.

requiem

it is
telling,
how you
could
become
cold
and
mechanical
in
my wake.

Hand-me-downs

We could
retreat
back
into
the same
exact
situation.
War in our souls.
Trying to
better
our babies'
lives
by
allowing
ourselves
to be
crucified,
all over again-
at the hands
of
the ones who
held our
hearts.
Falling down
again-
might not hurt
as bad
the second time around.
We say.

Ophthalmologist

You say
love.
I don't
see
it.
And
I've never
been
diagnosed
with glaucoma.

wiping my feet before I enter

Barely dry from the rain
that seems to bless us every day
here
in the Spring.
She washes her hands clean
of the debris
left on
by earlier devotions.
Just become dark
by the fire,
breathing smoke,
waiting for the stars
to show their wiley eyes
over top of us both.
Half asleep,
drunk enough on rain
and daily clutter.
For this
she
wandered halfway
across the planet
and back.
It is brilliant
to be pure light.
I am
wiping my feet before I enter.

While Thinking No One Sees

There he is
emptying his trash
in the dumpster,
remnants of his
insecurities
and addictions,
recyclables,
yard "waste,"
barrel upon barrel of
tin and plastic,
wood and paper.
The plastic will stay.
The wind in his hair,
and the dusty, trustless
ways of this
ignorant
society,
with its dumpsters
and its tricksters,
and all of the by-products
of a lack of
love.

You shine

You shine
like light through
black shadows
after
wind falls.

I lust
like I am
drunk with magic.

I
whisper
of
storm
and
power.

i bleed again

gave it all away
with my heart wrapped
so tightly
around you.
and i let you in
and gave you more
than i
kept
for
myself
and am left
with nothing
but tears
and sorrow.
i've since moved on,
an empty
page.
i bleed again.

Chesapeake Bay

I can see
the Chesapeake Bay
from my new
home.
Which reminds me
of how quickly
water
can smooth
the
rough
surfaces
of the soul.

You too,
will be
washed away.

Take Down The Moon

Take
Down
The
Moon
And
Fast,
Liberate
The
Moment
We have
Dwelled
In

#62 or One Refrigerator

Always to take
these mad men
deliriously
through the storm.

Worshipped his skin
black shadow,
wind.
My love,
he ran
crushing some.
And she,
enormous
but never
really
part of his
whisper.

Commotion
in their souls.
Chaos
in their hearts.

Shedding for the 17th

Take away from me
everything
that I have.
I am
through with the
sounds of
all
that has been
drowning.
And compassion
and chivalry
don't come into play
anymore.
Take away from me,
no one is keeping score.
And all that has been said
escapes
from the surface
of a skin
that needs to be
shed.
The bombardments
have frequented
infrequency.
I walk
lightly,
tasting sweet honey
through my
toes.

Swallow my heart

Swallow my heart
because I have already devoured
sour earth.

Re membering

Re
membering
the sound,
how sound
in your arms

a flicker of light
across my
sky

and you're gone

everytime.

I turn around.

and in this stillness, a flower

it is in this time
forgetting time
and being in places
all too familiar
and not quite
familiar enough,
where we can find
out how to move
and how to be
still and calm,
patient
as
a flower in progress. always.
and you,
the bee or wasp
can come along
relentlessly
with stinger in hand,
completely unsure
of how to proceed.
i'm seeming to feel
as though
wings come
for us all
as surely as
the petals fall.

Create in you

Create in you
tranquil mountains
and the
urge to
whisper praise
to the
delirious eternity

Circus

You held
a
magnifying glass
to me
for a year.
An olive branch
in one hand,
a boxing glove
in another.
It was impossible
to jump
through
the hoops
you laid out
before me.
Even though
I am
skilled
at
circus tricks.

My Dead Husband

Don't wipe away my tears
if they fall.
I am collecting
an urn full
to send
to
my dead husband.

I flew alone

I flew alone.
Then called you
beside me.
What you became.
Those visions
in my head.
You must not
love me-
like you say.

I turn around
and walk away.

you had nothing to lose

you had nothing to lose.
I
on the other hand
had a scarred
and broken heart
that you
pulverized
with your words.
I sat precariously
in your hands.
and when I fell,
it was a long way
down.

Christians

the parents are Christians
but must have neck problems
because
they have not even offered
one cheek.
even.

Protection

And you throw it all away.
So it goes.
Longing for a guarantee,
protection,
from the one you
supposedly
love. Loved.
And I have been
crucified
by you.
And yours.
Judged.
Judged
and deemed
unfit
to trust,
to carry on with,
without
protection.
Two types.

Life Jackets and Legal Documents

I jumped onto the boat

with the broken engine,

holes that needed patching.

Anchorless.

I thought we'd fix things

as we went.

Sailing through life. Together.

The whole time,

you were stockpiling

nuts and bolts,

weaving life jackets

out of my old, discarded dental floss.

And then,

you invited the lawyer

on board.

I didn't agree

to

a

threesome.