Failure

Holding a can
of baby
formula
at the Whole Foods,
failure.
I am alone
in my failure.
My breasts, failing.
My comforting skills
fall short.
My patience-thin
as silk.
And I can't
bring myself
to buy it.
Suffering through.
Staring through tears.
All too common.
"Can I help you?"
he asks.
If only.

May 3, 1999

Rumblings behind my spine.
Are you an angel?
Are you fragile?
Are you as innocent as I would like to be?
A tear falls,
there's more where that came from.
And now, you move,
affected
by out here.
And you are inside.
Break free from my walls!
Are we strangers?
Are we partners?
Are you not tainted yet by
war paint and media plaster?
You come to me
and my belly quakes and rolls and churns.
And you come to me
having not seen yet
and I come to you having seen
and been through the loss of innocence.
Is that fair?
Is it fair that you are an angel
and I have already sinned?

learning how to stand

while dancing with scissors
i found you
and let myself go.
once, a wanderer
and now-
fastened,
but with sparkle still
and
stories
that would unravel
hearts.
i am learning how to stand-
the ground
still haunts me.

requiem

it is
telling,
how you
could
become
cold
and
mechanical
in
my wake.

Hand-me-downs

We could
retreat
back
into
the same
exact
situation.
War in our souls.
Trying to
better
our babies'
lives
by
allowing
ourselves
to be
crucified,
all over again-
at the hands
of
the ones who
held our
hearts.
Falling down
again-
might not hurt
as bad
the second time around.
We say.

Ophthalmologist

You say
love.
I don't
see
it.
And
I've never
been
diagnosed
with glaucoma.

wiping my feet before I enter

Barely dry from the rain
that seems to bless us every day
here
in the Spring.
She washes her hands clean
of the debris
left on
by earlier devotions.
Just become dark
by the fire,
breathing smoke,
waiting for the stars
to show their wiley eyes
over top of us both.
Half asleep,
drunk enough on rain
and daily clutter.
For this
she
wandered halfway
across the planet
and back.
It is brilliant
to be pure light.
I am
wiping my feet before I enter.